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What happens if you check out with the cashier?
Growing old has its ups and its downs, all you young guys and dolls have got to believe that! You women who have your knickers in a twist and you guys who think a big tadger makes you a God! Well! you just wait on your Zimmers and see. What’s a Zimmer? People all over the would have asked me that question. A zimmer is what you get issued with when you and your car become distant strangers, maybe its gone to the scrap-heap before you. The time comes when you get jealous of that old car and wonder what its secret was. A zimmer in layman’s language is a walking aid for the lame. I have heard it has other uses, but as a person who tries most things and positions in the Kamas-Sutra – it isn’t possible, folks!
That’s enough of that, sit back and let me tell you a story. Ladies, you would be better with your knickers off. Guys just un-zip and air it for now.
Started in the supermarket, my names Alfie. When I go to the check-outs I always look for the oldest cashier with the greyest hair. That way if I accidentally crash into her, the paint-work will match.
‘Hello! Alfie, haven’t seen you in here for a while have you been away, poorly or something?’
‘No, Maisey I have been dodging you because you wont smile at me and give me a promise.’
‘There you go! Just as saucy as ever! One of these days Alfie I am going to call your blooming bluff! Where’s your store card?’
‘Dunno, I think you put it inside your bra last time I was here. Can I have a look to see if it’s still there?’
‘Oh! Alfie! You will get me the sack you will!’
‘Wrong! I am trying to get you into the sack, Maisey.’
‘I finish in half an hour. You going to take me home then? Are you paying cash or are you going to try and remember your pin number, had the manager in stitches you did last week. Should have heard the names he called you? Said you had that there altszeimer thingy, he did! Old Norma gave him fits! Stuck up for you, she did. She said you were only in the early stages. She was in the Red-Cross during the last war. Keeps lying about her age and gets away with it with all them blue rinses she spends all her money on. Hear her talk she’s a right little goer! expect you have already had her? Most other guys have. There were longer queues for her than butcher meat during the war!’
I will go and get a cup of coffee, come for me there when you finish. Still to do me lottery yet, not as I ever win owt.’
‘Get off with you, you old fossil. Bet you are loaded.’
I didn’t answer her, women are seen and not heard where my money is concerned.
Blew a fiver on the lottery lucky dip. Can’t be bothered filling up all those little squares. The coffee was cold, served to me by a gum chewing wench who had ladders in her stockings and a seriously dripping nose, which she sniffed back Kuşadası Escort into her brain as lubrication.
When she finally turned up:
‘Here, you ready then? I have to get home to feed, Tutsy.’
‘Thought you said he was a goner, Maisey?’
‘No, she’s a cat, Alfie!’
‘I’m allergic to them things. There’s me thinking I am on a promise and all you want to do is feed your flipping moggie! You should have told me instead of keeping me waiting here for you. Probably get more fun out of your perishing cat anyway. You will probably want paying for dropping your knickers!’
‘Don’t talk so loud, Alfie. Don’t want the world to know what a lecherous old fart you are, do we?’
‘What does that mean? It is going to be my lucky day? Come on! Tutsy don’t like kept waiting for her tea!’
‘It’s the next on the right, Alfie drive up the second drive on the left. Park next to the garage. My old Robby’s car is still in there gathering rust and mice nests.’
I pulled up at the garage door. I only damaged it a little bit.
‘Better bring your groceries in with you, Alfie. May have to put some of it in my fridge to keep. That’s if you stay the night.’
‘Maisey Fisher, your a slut, ain’t you? You going to do me bacon and eggs in the morning, then?’
‘Dunno, depends how good you are making a girl happy. May throw you out tonight. Did you remember to lock your car and set the alarm? get pinched if you don’t. Come to think of it, it will get pinched if you do!’
Pausing for and asthmatic breath, she continued,
‘Take these things in the kitchen for me, Alfie. I will need to go and have a pee. Can’t keep it in like I used to do.’
‘You going to give me a feel before you go up then?’
‘Would love it, Alfie, but I would pee all over your hand. Tell you what! To spare me going up all the stairs, lay on your back and I will do it in your mouth, it’s like a blooming bucket anyway!’
She laughed and made her way up, clutching precariously on the banisters either side of the stair-well. She still had a shapely ass on her, not bad legs. I could see she was wearing panties and not them big sexless bloomers! I hitched up my cock and pair to check to see if I had remembered to bring them with me. This reminded me that I needed a leak too. With me, hard-ons and the need to pee don’t mix.
I mooched round the kitchen when I put her things on the work surface. There were clothes in a hamper she had bought down to put in the washing machine. I sneaked a look-see into the hamper and was amazed at the flimsy silk undies she wore. Real sexy ones. Maybe she had a daughter staying with her. I picked up a pair of blushing pink ones. The crotch smelled pretty rank and was still wet. I felt my balls starting to act like a monkey wanting to reach the top of a pole. I slipped them into Kuşadası Escort Bayan my pocket and shut the hamper as I heard her making her way back down the stairs. Long gone were the days she used to jump down them three at a time.
‘Ah! That was a relief, Alfie! I am fit for anything now! If you want to go, Love. It’s top of the landing, door on your left. The one on the right is my bedroom. This could be the time when you can shake it as long as you like, Alfie! Then again, perhaps not. Maybe you should cop your feel now, just in case you have a heart attack climbing those stairs!’
I left her cackling like an old witch! She was right about the stairs, they were a bit much. I stood having a pee and nosing around. There was a glass she used for her false teeth, she must be wearing them so I was spared them grinning at me from the glass. There was Vaseline and KY Jelly in the medicine chest. Both were well used. Was Maisey into anal? Who with? She had not mentioned anyone else. I had loitered too long to look in the bedroom, but temptation won especially when the door was open a bit. I peaked in and got a big shock! Maisey was in there! Stark blooming naked on the bed! My lecherous thoughts had already given me a lazy lob.
‘Come on, Love! I can’t wait. Come and give it to me, Lover! Come and fuck me, Alfie!’
I never dress or undress fast these days, but I have to admit I broke all records for a man of my age. I had almost forgotten what a naked woman looked like. I was truly amazed that everything seemed to be in the same places as before! Then again, I dithered because I had already sussed she had false teeth! Her pussy seemed okay. Looked shaved but for tuft on the top sheltering her clitty from spillage. Her legs were open enough for me to see her anus and the hair was sparse there too. She was obvious a sex lively bird. She was now laying back with her eyes closed, her hands cupping her own tits, there was a bit of slack there, but I had seen worse. Her nipples were taut and well chewed on over the years by countless nipple chewers of the long distant past. My cock, when I bared it to her now open eyes was long, hard but no longer up and springy like the good old rodgering days. But It would be more than okay for what Maisey wanted from it. I moved into her arms and she kissed me passionately and I felt her stroking Thomas O’Reilly gently and reverently.
‘My pussy is lubed so you can put it in if you want to, Alfie. Do you want me to take my teeth out and suck it a bit first?’
‘Would you, Love! Having a woman saying an intimate hello to my cock, to me is a forgotten pleasure. It has been a long time since I kissed a live pussy. May I kiss yours?’
‘Oh! Yes! Please do. You can have all of me if you do that.’
We moved into a sixty-nine position, and I spotted another of her glasses Escort Kuşadası of water. This one was on the beside-table. This one, was laughing! Her gums champed down on my shaft and it was quite pleasant. Her pussy did not have the acidulous taste what some of the older ladies emit and her juices tasted real nice. It was though forty years had been lifted from my loving history. Amazingly both of us started an unaccustomed series of hip and stomach-muscle exercises. Exercising muscles we had not used for a while.
She made me laugh when she muttered, ‘My oh! My! We are going to be stiff in the morning!’
I replied, ‘Will you shut up woman! I’m doing my best to be stiff for you, now!’
Of course she started to giggle, didn’t she? Then she was spluttering and spitting on my cock and balls. No! Don’t you lot laugh neither! You youngsters are used to fucking and you completely ignore your shagging-muscles, right? You take them for granted. Us oldyens should get a medal for just thinking about jumping each others bones.
‘Put it in me! – Alfie! – Are you there? I want you to put your dick into me!’
I moved round, scared of giving her several compound fractures, I moved her into a side on position and I casually threw her leg over mine. Hey-presto! My cock was saying an intimate hello to her pussy! I prodded and she sighed deeply as it slipped into her as if her hole had been specially made for my cock. If your name is on it, it’s yours. Alfie loves Maisey!
It was nice, it was gentle, it was soothing and it was good for my rheumatism. I ignored the creaking of my bones, in some situations you have to be generous and concentrate on the in-thing. The human body is a miraculous thing, you know? Maisey was making juices, I could feel them! She was even causing her vaginal muscles to ripple excitingly on my cock. It was nice! Hail the conquering hero, I rallied my forces and started to fuck her. We clutched each other for dear life and really went for it, not even caring if we did have to share the same grave! Well, some people choose death by smoking, right? I thought back to the serenity of the supermarket queue where all this had started and said almost out loud, Why me Lord? My ejaculation such as it was, came at that point. Maisey, God Bless her, she was hammering her hip bones up at me like a lady playing the maracas. Her tits were acting like squeegees, drying the sweat off my chest. Her finger nails were drilling my back as though she was getting ready to plant seed. My well watered-down seed was now pooling inside her love reservoir, knowing my seed would not be fruitful, it had far too much against it. The seed in my back? Depends which came first, my next bath or germination?
We didn’t even kiss each other good-night. We didn’t go to sleep as normal people do. We died the little death, I think it is called. We had well over four hundred bones between us and en-masse they creaked to an arid halt!
Maisey’s not all bad, she did do me a very nice plate of bacon and eggs for my breakfast and I got a lot of pleasant nights sleep because of the knickers which I pinched off her. Well! I am already going blind!
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