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“Sam, wait! Come back… Please!” I shouted as she ran. I tried to get to my feet but my cast made it difficult. “Penny, stop her!” Penny ran after her but it was too late, Sam was gone. When she returned I begged her to follow her, to find and tell her how sorry I was. “I can’t, Anna,” she answered with a slight shake of her head, “I didn’t see which way she turned at the end of the road. Do you know where she lives?” I shook my head. “No. I only have her number.” I felt so sick now. First, I broke Philip’s heart and now I had done the same to Sam. What kind of a monster was I? Penny sat beside me. “Anna, you are shaking!” she exclaimed but it seemed as though I was in a dream, her voice so distant and vague. I felt numb. “I can’t leave her…” My words seemed to come from someone else. I felt so cold inside, dead. “What!” I heard through the mist. “What about Philip?” “I can’t leave her. Not like that…” I didn’t even look at Penny but stared straight ahead trying desperately to cling to my sanity, a sanity that was rapidly deserting me. I grabbed Penny’s arm and she winced as I gripped her flesh with an unrealised strength. “We have to find her! Anything could happen to her! You should have stopped her Penny, you shouldn’t have let her go!” “Anna!” she gasped, “I couldn’t stop her. How was I to know she would react that way?” I released her and dragged myself upright. “Please Penny, we have to try!” I was frantic. My heart was pounding like a hammer and I was struggling to breathe. In short, I was panicking and in my mind a multitude of images, a crashed car, her sweet body smashed and broken, her face covered in blood. Penny looked hard at me for a moment and then sighed. “All right,” she finally conceded. “You wait here. I’ll see if I can find her.” “She lives in Hartingfield, that’s all I know.” “Anna! That is twenty miles from here!” I looked at her but could hardly see her now, she was vague and distant. “Oh, All right,” she sighed and Escort Çukurambar turned on her heel, grabbed her keys from the drawer and left without another word. It was pointless trying to ring her but I tried anyway. “Hi, I’m sorry, I can’t talk right now…” I hated that message more than ever. It gave a micro-second of hope and then instantly dashed it. Suddenly I put my hand to my mouth and pulled myself to my feet, grabbing my crutches as I went and headed for the bathroom where I vomited with a force so violent that I thought my stomach would surely rupture and, when there was nothing remaining I still retched and heaved until my abdomen ached with the unprecedented effort it had been subjected to. I tried to breathe slowly and control this overwhelming sensation of fear that had made me so sick until I was able to sit, relax a little and I turned, resting my back against the cold porcelain of the toilet bowl.The nausea had faded now only to be replaced with a coldness so intense that I was totally unable to control the chattering of my teeth and the tremors that racked my whole body and, on top of all that my head was hurting so much that I couldn’t bear the pain any more. I curled up on the bathroom floor in as tight a ball as I could, trying to push away the thoughts and the pain and, once again, I wanted to die.From what seemed a great distance, I heard a tune playing, a familiar tune. I listened through the pounding pain in my head until it stopped and then, it came to me! My phone! The panic returned tenfold. What if it was Sam? Maybe she wanted to talk? Dammit, now she would think I wanted no more to do with her. I dragged myself unsteadily up and hobbled back to Penny’s living room, almost falling in my haste to get to the phone on the low glass coffee table. I stared at the screen through blurry eyes, trying desperately to control my fingers which, at that moment, felt as though they belonged demetevler escort to someone else then swiped my finger across it, first one way and then the other, each time managing to open some application or another which I didn’t want and all the time, that tiny missed call symbol at the top of the screen seemed to be screaming at me. “Oh, damn you!” I yell at it as yet another email Application opened and filled the screen. It must have been only a few seconds but to me, it felt like hours until, at last, the information I wanted, nay, needed, appeared on the small screen. The words ‘missed call’ and ‘Mum’ suddenly jumped out at me. My heart dropped like a stone. I loved my Mum dearly but at this particular time, she was just about the last person I wanted to talk to and I dropped the phone back onto the table with such a loud clatter that I physically jumped inside. This tension was unbearable and I fell back onto the sofa, feeling the nausea beginning to return.Penny had been gone almost an hour now but, to me, it had been an eternity. I kept looking at my phone on the table but it remained exactly where it had fallen, silent and blank. By carefully controlling my breathing and constantly telling myself to be strong, I had managed to remain relatively calm and hadn’t vomited again but my insides were in knots and so, when the front door suddenly opened I screamed out loudly and stared at the door, frozen with fear.“I found her, Anna.” Penny’s voiced was calm and to the point and, as she spoke, she stood to the side to allow Sam to pass through. Pushing myself up from the sofa we faced each other with black mascara streaked faces and eyes filling with tears. My bottom lip began to quiver and my throat ached as though there was a rock inside it. “I’m so sorry, Sam, so, so sorry.” She didn’t reply and suddenly we were together, holding each other with such strength that I felt as though we were merging dikmen escort bayan into one person. “I’m sorry too,” she whispered into my neck and I could feel the warmth of her own tears as they dripped onto my shoulder. Penny waited patiently and discretely by the door, allowing us a little space until I gently moved back, relaxing our embrace. Sam took a deep breath. “So what happens now?” she asked. “We talk,” I said simply, “We work it out logically.” “Logically?” Sam repeated, “There is nothing logical about any of this.” I agreed and we sat side by side on the sofa whilst Penny placed herself opposite in the armchair. Sam looked across at her and then back at me as if asking if she had to be there. “I can’t do this without her, Sam,” I said, answering her thoughts. “I cannot trust myself to be strong enough to make the right decision.” She looked across but Penny remained almost impassive, allowing only a small smile to show she was not hostile. “So nothing has changed then,” Sam stated. “You didn’t bring me back to tell me that you were wrong, that you couldn’t live without me.” I looked down at my hands in my lap then back to her. “No, Sam, I’m sorry, I didn’t. I couldn’t let us part that way, I couldn’t bear it.” “So what then?” she asked, “What else can you say that you didn’t already?” “Does it have to be like this? Do you hate me now?” My eyes flitted from one to the other of hers, pleading silently with her. Suddenly she breathed out and her face softened. “No, Anna. I don’t hate you at all but you have broken my heart. I gave you everything, went against all my beliefs and for what? Nothing it would seem.” I didn’t know what to say to her. I opened my mouth to speak but no words came. Seeing her so devastated was killing me inside. “You know, Sam, Anna is not entirely guilty either. She didn’t seduce you just for a little fun you know.” We both looked at Penny simultaneously. “What has happened has totally destroyed her life, and her husband. Now we have to try to salvage something, anything, so that you can all move on.” “What do you mean, move on?” Sam scowled at her. “That is easy for you to say, you have nothing to do with this!” “Don’t I?” Penny sniffed, “Don’t I really? I don’t remember you complaining last time you were here.
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