Horns Up – 6

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Amateur

It’s deathly quiet in the office, deep within the provisional Earth-Hell Initiative headquarters.Casey is sitting at one end of a long table, frantically scribbling away at a sheet of paper as she tuts and swears beneath her breath. Over by the door, Bessa sits with her hands crossed politely on her lap, but her closed eyes and slumped posture suggests that she had dozed off the moment she sat down. Lilith is pacing up and down the office, occasionally glancing over Casey’s shoulders at whatever she is writing. Your one-eyed handler keeps checking her watch and muttering beneath her breath, much to your mounting unease.”Hurry up,” Lilith suddenly announces, folding her arms disapprovingly.”I’m goin’ as fast as I can! Human letters are so fuckin’ awkward!” Casey snaps, clutching her pen in a fist.”You were told to get to grips with the lingua franca when we first contacted your village. You’ve got no excuse for such poor penmanship.””Nngh…!”You want to step in to defend the Imp, but you know you can’t. After all, this is an assessment; a test to see whether Casey can finally be trusted to get her ankle bracelet removed and attend her art classes at college. Part of the test is the questionnaire she’s currently filling out, but it’s mostly an examination of her attitude. If she fails, it’ll be another mark against her, and with all her previous runaway attempts, she’s facing a possible deportation back to Hell.”Alright, that’s enough,” Lilith finally says after what feels like hours, tearing the sheet away from the minute demon.As she leans back in her chair and starts balancing pens on her upper lip, you see Lilith’s brow furrow as her single red eye darts across the page.”Have you really been settling in as well as you say you are?” she asks.”Yup. Ask him if you gotta,” Casey replies coolly, jabbing a thumb at you.Lilith’s scrutinising gaze burns into you. Swallowing hard, you nod affirmatively.”Right… And you’ve been working on the reflection pieces you’ve been told to write? There’s a lot of EHI agents that still want for apologies.””They’re in the works. Muu’s been helpin’ me make them proper sincere.””Okay. What about your household duties? You don’t go into much detail here,” Lilith asks, pointing at the questionnaire.You freeze up, remembering just how lazy and sloppy the Imp can be at home. But Casey just takes a deep breath.”Not gonna lie, I still got a ways to go with cleanin’ and helpin’ out around the place. I’m gettin’ better though; Bessa’s been real good at givin’ me a hand.”Your eyes widened. She’s actually telling the truth?!Even Lilith seems a little surprised by Casey’s honesty. Clearing her throat, she glances over at the sleeping Golem.”I see. You’ve been getting on well with your new housemate then, I take it?””Yup! We’re practically breast friends!”Casey suddenly shakes her head.”B- Best friends! I mean best friends!” she corrects hastily, tearing her gaze away from Bessa’s prodigious chest.Setting the page down on the table, Lilith folds her arms and shuts her good eye, thinking silently for a moment before she snaps her fingers and gestures for you to follow her.”Let me hear your side before I make the verdict. Both of you, stay here.”Leaving your two most recent charges in the office, you and your handler step out into the hallway, whereupon Lilith starts to walk in the direction of the elevator.Wait, isn’t she going to interview you or something?”Nope. Casey’s whole situation has already been reviewed; I’m just putting her through all that for a little payback. Call it a vendetta fulfilled for all the manpower she wasted with her little escapades.”That seems a little cruel, no?”Maybe.”You both step into the elevator and she hits the button for the top floor.”Anyway, the top brass have agreed to put Casey on a looser leash. The range of her monitor will be extended, so she can attend her classes as normal. As for Bessa, we’ll get her squared away with everything she needs for her education here. I believe she wished to study agriculture or something along those lines.”You do remember her saying something about raising cattle.”You know your lodgers well. Nice going, kid.”You think you almost see her smile. But as the elevator comes to a stop, it fades.”There’s someone who wants to meet you,” she explains, gesturing to an office door at the far end of the hall.The top floor, a fancy office… It doesn’t take long for you to put two and two together.Are you going to see the director of the EHI?”No, but he’s about as important. He’s my dad.”Her dad?!”Eyes forward and arms straight, kid. Don’t let me down after all I’ve done to talk you up,” Lilith says before pushing the doors open and ushering you inside.The office is about as you expected it to be; large, fancy and corporately sterile. But that’s not what draws your attention.A man is sitting behind the desk, his hands steepled before his face. He is wearing a dark goatee upon his weathered face, and his hair is just as long and grey as his daughter’s. He also sports red eyes, though he has two of them, which lock onto you the moment you step inside.”Ah. You’re here. I trust this isn’t too inconvenient a time for you?” the imposing man asks.You shake your head. Not at all.”Good, good. I’ve been meaning to get a look at you for a while now.”He reaches for a metal cane and arduously heaves himself out of his seat. He’s tall, and for a moment you wonder why he’s limping, until he rounds the desk. The right leg of his trousers is rolled up, revealing the metallic prosthetic he’s sporting. Hinged at the knee, it appears to be made entirely from steel and has been shaped to look like a goat’s hoof.You raise an eyebrow and glance at Lilith’s eyepatch before returning your attention to her father’s missing leg.You briefly wonder if her mother is missing an arm or something.Lilith’s father reaches out with a large, weathered hand.”But let me introduce Ağrı Escort myself. My name is Luc-“”Lucian,” Lilith quickly interrupts, clearing her throat.Her father glares at her before his eyes widen, as if remembering something.”Ah yes. Lucian. My name is Lucian.”You shake his hand, flinching at his tight grasp and freezing cold skin. Something about this man just saps the strength out of you. Lucian gestures for you to sit before his desk, whereupon he returns to his own seat and stares at you with a piercing gaze.”I won’t beat around the bush, my friend; the situation has escalated somewhat,” he says after a deep breath.Sorry, what? Situation?”I trust you’re aware of this?”He pulls out a crumpled pamphlet from his desk. As soon as you spot the brightly coloured patriotic patterning, you recognise it as one of the handouts from Mothers Against Hellish Invasion.You nod and tell him about the woman you bumped into outside the hardware store a few weeks ago.”Indeed. These ‘concerned mothers’ have been causing no small amount of hassle for us since we began the Earth-Hell Initiative. As you well know, we’ve been conducting homestays all over the country, and while we’ve always faced resistance from certain groups, this MAHI crowd is by far the most vocal. We’ve already had some reports of anti-demonic propaganda being distributed in some of the southern states.”You swallow hard. This sounds serious.”The board is concerned, and they’ve been putting a lot of pressure on us to make this integration as smooth as possible. In layman’s terms, my friend, all eyes are on you.”Why you?”You’re a special case. Placing a single human in charge of a household filled with a member of each demonic race was a risky move, but what with all this pushback from the MAHI group, we’re desperate for this to be a success. Simply put, if you fail, the entire Earth-Hell Initiative goes up in flames.”Sweat begins to bead on your forehead. Lucian notices this and gives you a sympathetic nod.”I understand your concern. Dallas, Gale and my dear Lilith have been doing their utmost to keep conflict at an absolute minimum, but there have been some cases of violence against our demon homestays, and I fear if the MAHI get their way, things will descend into utter chaos.”He clasps his hands and stares at you with a gaze that penetrates your very soul.”So stay the course, my friend. Make sure your charges are well-adjusted and prove to the world at large that demons and humans can get along as comrades.”Lucian bows his head.”We’re counting on you.”—So. The fate of not one, but two worlds rests upon your shoulders. It’s up to you to keep your charges happy and maintain an image of happy, peaceful domestic life with demons, as well as champion the cause of the EHI and prove to the MAHI that the organisation has the best interests of Hell and Earth at its heart.And so far you’ve had illicit relations with every demon under your care.Simply put, you are feeling on edge.In the days following your meeting with Lucian, you’ve been taking your managerial duties to the absolute extreme. You’ve sustained chemical burns from cleaning up Natasha’s caustic experimental failures, stressed yourself senseless over supplying the house with enough food to sustain Muu’s monstrous appetite, tried and failed to help Yvynn learn the basics of ASL – she refuses to make facial expressions – did everything in your power to keep a lid on Casey’s wanton vandalism, and spent no small amount of time browsing furniture stores for new pillows for Bessa.Before long, you find yourself sitting on the couch, staring blankly at your phone. It’s Friday afternoon; the one day when everyone in the house has classes, bar one.”You’ve been staring at that message for a while, honey. Are you okay?” Natasha calls from the dining table where she’s set up her study space.You nod limply and continue to stare the text Lilith just sent you.”Eyes up kid, got a live one coming your way. Late notice I know, but I was only told to pick this one like a hour ago. The entire office is shitting itself over this MAHI bullshit and frankly I haven’t had time to scratch my own ass, never mind text you. Anyways make sure you got a welcome committee ready or something; this one’s a real fucking peach.”You just sigh and massage your temples.So you’ve been thrust into the limelight, tasked with making human-demon domestic living look normal, and yet the EHI keeps entrusting you with so-called ‘difficult cases’. Even Lilith seems to be aware that your charges aren’t the best choices for cross-dimensional ambassadors.You hear the familiar purr of Lilith’s car rumbling from outside as these dour thoughts run through your head. Fighting the urge to sink lower into your seat, you stand up and take your position by the front door. The engine stops, a door opens and you hear a high-pitched voice cry out from outside.”Hurrry up, you monocular peasant! You wasted enough time at that rrrancid ‘earrrport’, and I haven’t the patience to deal with yourrr insipid sluggishness!” it shrieks, causing you to jump.”I wouldn’t be walking so slow if I didn’t have to carry all your fucking bags!” you hear the irate voice of Lilith snap.”The fault lies entirrrely with you! You wouldn’t let me brrring my serrrvants!””For fucks sake, we’ve been over this! I’m not writing up visas for-!””ENOUGH BLATHERRRING!”The front door is kicked open with all the force of a thunderclap, and would have struck you in the face had you been standing just an inch closer.The woman standing in your doorway is your newest lodger, you can tell that at a glance. Her skin is bright yellow in colouration, contrasting sharply with the platinum blonde hair that extends all the way down her back. A pair of short horns jut from her forehead, but most striking of all is the pair of long elfin ears she has, both heavily weighed down with golden earrings. She’s Ağrı Escort Bayan wearing so many fancy fur coats that you can’t make out how her body looks, but you can get a pretty good look at her face. Both of her bright blue eyes are locked onto your face, and her thin lips are twisted into a disgusted grimace.”What the fuck is this rrrepulsive creature?” she cries, pointing a ring-laden finger at you.She rolls her Rs so harshly that you’re completely caught off guard. You stand there and stare at her blankly as Lilith shuffles through the door, carrying at least five different suitcases.”I already told you! He manages the place, and you’re gonna be under his care while you’re living on Earth!” she growls, dumping the cases onto the floor.Wiping her forehead, your handler jabs a finger at your newest charge.”Alright kid, this is-“”Lady Callyette Murrrua Ollatsyrrrc Samada! Thirrrd daughter of the prrroud Samada family of Lustrrrecliff Heights, the grrreatest goldsmiths in all of Hell!” Callyette interrupts, pointing her finger into the air.Lilith releases a long, drawn-out sigh.”… Right. Callyette Murua Ollatsyrc Samada. As you can see, she’s a Nymph. Demon of Hubris, or Pride, depending on who you ask. You got it from here? Good. Seeya whenever.”Only a few seconds through your front door, and she’s already gone, slamming the door behind her. Still frozen with shock, you slowly turn your eyes onto the newcomer.”Stop starrring at me, drrrudge! Take my bags to my chamberrrs and fetch me a beverrrage! I thirrrst enough to drrrain an ocean!” she announces, smoothing down her many coats as she flounces her way over to the couch.Um. Should you at least get introductions out of the way first?”I don’t converrrse with the help! Now fetch me a drrrink alrrready!”You grind your teeth at her caustic remarks, but decide to oblige her for now. She just underwent a cross-dimensional jump from Hell and a flight in a vehicle she wasn’t familiar with; she was probably just cranky. You step into the kitchen to fetch a glass of water, catching Natasha’s eye as you pass by the table. The Succubus’ eyes are wide with disbelief.”Who the Hell is that?” she whispers as you pour Callyette her drink.Her new housemate, apparently. She’s certainly… charming.”Five seconds in and I can already tells she’s a bitch, sheesh. Lemme go introduce myself…”She gets out of her chair and heads into the living room before you can say anything. As you begin to pour some water into a glass, however, you almost spill it all over yourself as the two demonesses immediately explode into an argument behind you.”I should have known therrre would be a violet harrrlot rrresiding here! Everrry second that passes, this hovel gets worrrse and worrrse!””Hey, who are you calling a harlot?! I’m just trying to say hello!””I was prrromised a vacation home on this mudball, but instead I’m sharrring prrrecious airrr with a prrromiscuous whorrre!””Well fuck you too!””Oho! And she speaks with a vulgarrr tongue! How typical!””Why are you talking like that?! Are you choking on phlegm or something?!”Well, that went about as well as you expected it to.Rushing back as fast as you can without spilling anything, you walk in on the two girls standing with their faces a hair’s breadth apart, both baring their teeth and glaring daggers at each other. Placing a hand on Natasha’s shoulder, you pull her back before things get bloody.”Hmph. Keep your harrrlot on a leash, drrrudge,” Callyette scoffs, folding her arms.Natasha starts at her comment, but you hold her back and hand the newcomer her water. She glares at the glass, scoffs and knocks it out of your hand.”Water? Water?! You expect a noble such as myself to drrrink water?! Wherrre is the liqourrr?! The champagne?! I will not stand for this!”You hear Natasha take an infuriated breath.”Honey, if you don’t mind, I think I’m going to study in my room. Have fun with Cally, okay?” she tells you through her teeth.”Cally?! How darrre you! You will rrreferrr to me by my full title; Lady Callyette Murrr-!”She’s cut off by the sound of Natasha’s door slamming with full force.You sigh and shake your head. She may be insufferable, but its up to you to accommodate her to the best of your ability. Maybe some light conversation to break the ice?You ask Callyette what her life was like back in Hell.”Ohoho, this one can’t comprrrehend luxurrry when he sees it?” she laughs with a snide grin, ears twitching.She strikes a pose, causing the countless golden bracelets and bangles on her arms to jingle. She rubs one hand along her outermost fur coat and another along the many earrings in her ears.”I’m a noble lady of the town of Lustrrrecliff Heights, a bastion of similarrrly noble Nymphs such as myself! I, of course, am the most beautiful of them all, can’t you tell?”Great. The Pride demon has an ego. You’re sure this isn’t going to get annoying.Well, does she wish for a house tour before the others get home?Callyette clucks her tongue and folds her arms.”I suppose if I’m going to be living in this sty, I may as well get used to it. Lead the way, drrrudge!”You’d balk at the nickname if you didn’t have almost half a dozen beneath your belt already.You begin to show the latest addition to the household around the property, but it quickly becomes painfully clear that this woman is going to be an intense drain on your patience. She sneers at the lack of scullery personnel manning the kitchen, berates your choice in living room decor and even goes so far as to turn her nose up at the garden, citing it’s ‘horrrid’ appearance the result of lazy gardeners. You try to tell Callyette that most humans weren’t in the business of having house servants anymore, but she just can’t seem to get it through her head. As you wearily make your way up the stairs in order to show her to her room, you hear the Nymph scowl.”This place is positively horrrific. Escort Ağrı Am I to underrrstand that but a single serrrvant is to wait upon a lady of my staturrre? I would rrrequire at least five butlerrrs, at minimum!” she announces as she climbs the stairs behind you.You quietly remind Callyette that you are not going to be her personal servant, but despite her long ears, she doesn’t hear you.As you guide her down the upstairs hallway, the door to Natasha’s bedroom suddenly flies open.”Coming through~!” the Succubus cries in a cheery voice.She’s carrying a large beaker of pink fluid, but before you can ask her what she’s doing, she deftly maneuvers past you and continues on her way down the hall…… only to blunder straight into Callyette. The Nymph gives a screech, the beaker goes flying into the air, and the pink liquid within splatters all over the hapless newcomer, soaking both her and her fine furs. As she stares open-mouthed at her soaked garments, Natasha retreats to your side and gasps coyly.”Whoopsie! Didn’t see you there, Cally~!” she coos smugly.”Y- You…! Look what you did to my prrrecious rrraiments! Drrrenched in this vile… what even is this disgusting slop?!” Callyette shrieks, shaking with barely-contained outrage.”Ooh, nothing much. Just a highly-potent and extremely absorbent aphrodisiac I was working on.”The Nymph freezes up as the colour drains from her face. You feel a similar phenomenon occur in your own body as you turn to stare at Natasha, eyes wide.”If you’re still showing her around, you might wanna let her know where the bath is first, honey. Ta-ta!”With a wink, Natasha grabs her discarded beaker and returns to her room, decisively locking the door behind her before either you or your new charge can do anything. Swallowing hard, you turn to Callyette, blanching as you watch the viscous pink concoction drip off of her.Oh fuck, you can already see the colour returning to her cheeks.”A- A- Aphrrrod- disia- ac…?!” the Nymph gutters, still frozen with shock.You take a deep breath. You’ll deal with Natasha’s little revenge plot later; for now, you need to get this woman cleaned up ASAP.—You anxiously pass your phone from one hand to the other as you pace the hallway outside the bathroom. It’s been fifteen minutes so far. You can only hope that Callyette is alright in there. If something were to happen to your newest charge right after learning what Lucian told you, you don’t think your nerves could take it.You knock on the door.Callyette? Is she alright in there?”Argh! Drrrudge! How do you worrrk this inferrrnal contrrraption?!” cries the Nymph in response.What?”Get in herrre and make it worrrk!”Was she struggling with the hairdryer or something? Sometimes it just needs a good few whacks to get it going.However, upon opening the door, you are met with a completely unexpected sight.Standing amidst a massive pile of her discarded clothes and jewelry, Callyette stands completely naked, hands planted on her hips as she glares daggers at the bath. Now that she’s taken all the coats off, you see that she’s actually rather slender, sporting a frame that you can only describe as lithe, or petite. Natasha’s concoction still glistens upon her yellow skin, causing you to realise – with some shock – that it had taken her fifteen minutes just to get undressed.Callyette whirls around, fixing you with an irate glare. She doesn’t seem ashamed of her nakedness, and only puffs out her chest whenever she notices you staring at her sunny nipples.Not that there’s much to see; she’s as flat as a board.”Perrrfect as my bosom may seem, therrre arrre morrre prrressing matterrrs at hand, drrrudge!” the Nymph snaps, folding her arms.She jabs a manicured finger at the bath.”Make it worrrk! I must get this filth off me before it begins to seep into my brrrain!”You tear your gaze away from the naked demon.Does she really not know how a bath works?”Do you think me a common serrrf?! I have serrrvants to do that forrr me! Countless handmaids to condition my locks and scrrrub my skin! I bathe only in the finest-!”Alright, alright, you’ll draw the damn bath already!You lean over the tub and twist the hot tap, frowning as the Nymph’s demeanour begins to wear away at your patience. She in turn just stands and stares at you, eyes narrowed with concentration. The flush in her cheeks is still there, and it seems she’s breathing heavier. You hope to God that this isn’t going to turn into another Muu situation.”Hotter,” Callyette demands.You grit your teeth and twist the tap more.”Do you have lotions in this pigpen?”A couple. But they belong to the others-“Add them.”But-“I said add them, drrrudge!”You hiss through your teeth as you grab a selection of the girls’ various body washes and bath lotions off a nearby shelf and present them to the Nymph. She gives them all a dismissive look and clucks her tongue.”All of them.”You reluctantly oblige, pouring each into the water until it’s an opaque, milky white. The smell is overpoweringly sweet.”Hotter!”You increase the heat. As the bathroom fills up with steam, you find yourself growing uncomfortably warm. You mutter about the heat beneath your breath, prompting Callyette to cock her head as her elfin ears twitch.”If you arrre too warm, then just disrrrobe! Do you rrreally need me to tell you that? Arrre you lacking in autonomy altogetherrr, drrrudge?!”Says the woman who can’t even draw herself a bath!”Therrre’s a differrrence between can’t and won’t! Now remove yourrr top before you starrrt sweating everywherrre!”Fine!You pull off your shirt and toss it aside, glaring at Callyette all the while. She doesn’t meet your gaze, however, as she’s too preoccupied with staring at your chest, her mouth slightly agape. Frowning, you step aside and gesture for her to get into the bath.”I- I was just about to! Do not rrrush me, drrrudge!” she snaps, pushing past you.The Nymph hisses through her teeth as she steps into the bath, one foot after the other. You can see her skin flush a deeper shade of yellow, and you have a niggling feeling that it’s not just from the heat. As she eases herself into the hot, milky water, you turn to make your exit.

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