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I opened my eyes and yawned and, just for a moment, lay still, staring up at the ceiling. I must have had a rough night, lying in an odd position perhaps, as my leg was a little painful. Not where I had injured it but further down, below my knee and my hip ached. I realised that the room light was still on and that there was darkness at the little cut-out in the shutter. I decided that the dream must have disturbed me and woken me very early so I went to get up to switch off the light but there was something holding me down, something heavy upon me. Looking down I saw a familiar figure draped across my chest. “Pascale?” I said gently and, as she stirred, I repeated, “Pascale, what are you doing?” She suddenly sat bolt upright on the chair she had placed beside the bed. “ Karen! You’re okay! Thank goodness, I was so frightened!” “Frightened?” I queried her last word, “But why? I have had bad dreams before and you have looked after me.” She didn’t answer but stared fearfully at me. “Why is the light still on and why am I… dressed?” My words trailed away as the awful truth dawned on me. “It wasn’t a dream, was it?” I whispered slowly. With a tear forming at the corners of her beautiful dark blue eyes, she shook her head slowly. “Then how…? I mean, what…? I mean… Oh, damn it, I don’t know what I mean!” I allowed my head to flop back into the large soft pillow and lay silently as Pascale returned her head to where I had first found it, upon my chest and I gently caressed her sleek red hair. I felt her hand snake across my stomach and she held me in a firm embrace. At that moment, the door creaked slowly open and I heard a familiar voice, a voice I had not heard for so long. “Hey, Kiddo!” “Doctor Harlow!” I exclaimed, “What are you doing here?” “Well now, there’s a friendly welcome!” he laughed. “I came to say goodbye to you before you left tomorrow and it seems it is just as well I did. How are you feeling?” Pascale jumped up and I swung my legs over the side, assuming a sitting position on the side of the bed. “Absolutely awful,” I answered him truthfully. “What the hell have I done? My dad must be heartbroken and Françoise and the girls, what must they think? That was a horrible thing I did to them.” “Hey! Hey! Now that’s bahis siteleri enough young lady. You were not in control of your senses.” I sighed as he admonished me, even though he spoke with great care and compassion. “What happened to me, Doctor? I know my dad is better now but I am behaving just as he did. I surely don’t believe he would hurt Françoise, or her children, do I?” By this time, Pascale had vacated the chair so that Doctor Harlow could sit and talk with me. “I will leave you alone,” she said, sadly, as she sidled towards the door. “No, wait, don’t go,” I stopped her. “Please, sit here with me. I have nothing to tell Doctor Harlow that I couldn’t tell you so please, stay?” I patted the bed and she smiled as she returned and sat beside me on the large mattress. At the same time, the doctor turned the chair around and, as was his usual fashion, sat backwards upon it, resting his arms on what was supposed to be the chair backrest. “What time is it?” I asked neither in particular, although it was Pascale who answered immediately. “Twenty past ten,” she said quickly. “You have been asleep for almost two hours. When Doctor Harlow’s car hit you I thought you were…” her voice trailed away to nothing. I looked at the doctor and frowned. “You hit me?” I said in astonishment, “When? How? I don’t remember that at all!” Pascale opened her mouth as she began to tell me but Doctor Harlow raised a finger and stopped her in her tracks. She closed her mouth instantly. “What do you remember, Karen?” he said. “Not much really, Doctor,” I began. “When I awoke I thought I had had a bad dream but it seems that was not the case.” “No, I’m afraid it wasn’t. You had what is known as an ‘Episode’.” “An episode?” I repeated. “What do you mean, an episode?” “Tell me what you remember and then I will explain,” he countered. I thought carefully, trying to remember the events of just two short hours ago. To me it seemed so much longer. “I vaguely remember thinking that my Dad was going to hit me for some reason although I don’t know why. He raised his hand to strike me and I ran.” Again I thought hard. Doctor Harlow was listening carefully and Pascale was watching my every move and expression with an intensity that made me feel as though canlı bahis siteleri she could see right inside my head. Again she opened her mouth to speak, maybe to explain something but, again, Doctor Harlow prevented her by raising his finger but without ever taking his eyes off mine. Silence reigned and I could hear the blood hissing in my ears. “It must have been a dream!” I stated, at last, “It must have! I saw Harry Simmonds and Fred, my old supervisor. I heard… and saw, the bombs and felt the explosion. In my dream I was knocked to the ground! How could it not…” Suddenly, it dawned on me. “My mind is playing tricks isn’t?” I asked slowly. “It wasn’t a bomb at all, was it? It was your car that knocked me down…” My voice trailed off into silence as the awful truth dawned on me. I had lost my mind! I could feel my heart beating inside of me and I was frightened. “I’m crazy aren’t I?” I whispered, “I’m a head case, a lunatic…” “Hey now, Honey. You are not crazy! Don’t think that. Your mind is a little damaged, I agree but you most certainly are not mad. You have had to deal with an inordinate amount of stress throughout your life, much of it alone. The plane crash was the last straw. Imagine being constantly poked, you would put up with it so long but, eventually, you would snap and shout out. This is effectively, what your brain has done. Your recovery will take time. What you learned about your dad and Françoise today was a little like poking a bruise. It hurt more than it normally would because you are not yet fully healed but don’t worry, Sweetie, you will mend.” I listened to every word he said, wanting to believe him but it was so difficult. I used to be so controlled but now, the slightest thing could trigger a, what did he call it, an episode? I sighed unconsciously and Pascale reached out and placed her hand upon my thigh. “You know we are always going to help you, Karen, don’t you.” I smiled and nodded then put my arm around her, holding her close to me. “I think I should go and see the others and apologise,” I said quietly, “Only I have no idea what to say to them.” “I think you will find that they understand, Karen,” the doctor replied, “But yes, they ware worried for you.” I stood up and winced as canlı bahis a pain shot up the side of my leg. “Oww… I feel like I was hit by a lorry!” “Well, you were, almost!” Pascale laughed and my heart soared to see her smile once more. “I think you will have one hell of a bruise,” Doctor Harlow added. I found it a little painful to walk the few steps from my room across to the sitting room but the adrenaline my heart was circulating made it almost unnoticeable. I stopped at the door and looked at the ornate porcelain knob then slowly placed my hand upon it. “Don’t worry, Karen,” I heard Pascale’s reassuring words, “They won’t be angry.” I didn’t answer but slowly turned the knob until the door was released and I pushed gently. The door swung easily inwards. “Hey, here she is!” My dad was the first to speak, his smile as wide as the ocean. “How do you feel, Sweetheart?” All three were on there feet now and walking towards me, my dad had his arms outstretched and I ran to him and threw my arms around his waist. “I’m so sorry, Dad, so terribly sorry that I hurt you and you too, Françoise, and Dominique, I was so, so selfish…” “No, Sweetheart,” he replied with a soft voice, cracking with emotion, “Doctor Harlow has explained it to us, it wasn’t your fault, you are sick, just as I was. If anyone needs to apologise it should be me. It is entirely my fault that this has happened to you.” “Come and sit down, Karen, you look tired,” Françoise indicated the big armchair, “and please don’t fret. We will not give up on you, however bad you may think things are.” I sat and looked at them. “I truly am sorry, though,” I repeated. “I am happy you two have become close, I really am.” Françoise sat in the sofa to my left alongside my dad. “We are not going to rush anything, Karen. Your health comes first.” I waited for a moment but I had to know what I had done. “So what happened to me?” I asked no-one in particular, “I don’t remember but Doctor Harlow says he knocked me down. I can’t recall anything but memories flashing through my mind.” “Dominique was the one who answered. “When Maman and your father told us that they were thinking of being together,” she explained, “you seemed to withdraw into yourself for a while. I think you had a panic attack, breathing very quickly as gasping for breath.” “Well, yes, I remember all that,” I interrupted her, “I thought I got over that. I remember drinking water and calming down but I don’t remember what happened after.
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